


Just Leave Me

by AgentCatt



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Depression, M/M, Mention of wanting to die, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 07:14:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10508901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentCatt/pseuds/AgentCatt
Summary: Felix is set off by something. What, he does not know. It induces a panic attack that leads to depression and slight anger towards himself. Mason and Locus help him.





	

Felix is cold. Just super fucking cold. Not like usual though. Not the "let me take a warm shower and I'll be fine" kind of cold. This comes from panicking and crying. Pacing doesn't help. The draft from the window doesn't help either.

He sits on the edge of the bed, mad with himself for letting this happen. For letting the tears to continue to fall. Even if he tries to wipe them away. Mad that the stupidest little thing set him off. Which then made him think about pretty much everything that's on his mind.

Felix is glad he's there alone. Mason and Locus went to get groceries. Felix opted out. He didn't want to go. But then he saw something on the tablet. What, he doesn't really know. It's frustrating. He's not supposed to be like this. He's supposed to be strong and okay. Locus is the one that has to go to therapy. Not him. 

He gets up off the bed and goes back to pacing. Everything hurts. Why does everything hurt? It shouldn't. It fucking shouldn't! Felix punches a hole in the wall. When he realizes his fist went through, he pulls back. Shouldn't have done that. Shouldn't have. They'll ask question. They'll ask why. He has no answer. Just that he got angry. But why did he get angry? They'll ask that too. He doesn't really know why. Why, why, why? Is there ever a real reason why when it comes from being irrational?

Felix looks at his hand. It hurts. Like the rest of him does. He groans, trying to make the tears stop when he hears the front door open. He can hear them talking, but can’t make out what’s being said. He just hopes they don’t go to the back bedroom where he is. He doesn’t want to face them. He wants to get into the shower, but they’ll hear it turn on. He wants to escape, but they’re on the fourth floor with no way down. 

Felix has been too busy silently pacing that he didn’t realize Locus was watching him. He’s lost in thought, only to be brought back when Locus makes him stop. Felix jumps away, frightened. 

“Whoa it's just me.” Locus puts his hands up to to show he's not going to hurt him. He notices how bad Felix is shaking. Jaw clenched to keep his teeth from chattering. Eyes red from crying. Holding his right hand close to his chest. “It's okay.”

Felix takes a step back when Locus takes a step forward. Locus stops, frowns. 

“I won't hurt you.” Locus tries to tell him. “I promise. You're safe here.”

Felix shakes his head. Nowhere is safe. They'll turn on him eventually. He's a terrible person. Why is Locus even trying. He hates everything about Felix. He's expressed this many times.

“Felix, are you listening to me?” Locus tilts his head slightly.

Felix nods. He's listening. But he doesn't believe him. He won't believe anything he says. 

“Felix, let me in. Something's clearly wrong.”

Felix shakes his head. He doesn't want help. He doesn't want pity on himself. He's terrible. Doesn't deserve anything. 

“Do you trust me?”

It takes a moment, but Felix nods. He does trust him. Always has. But the things he says aren't true. They're all lies. It's what he can't believe.

“Then let me in. Don't back away. Tell me what is wrong.”

Felix watches, scared, as Locus takes a step towards him. He doesn't move. What's the point? He'll just keep trying to get closer anyway. 

Locus grabs the blanket off the bed and wraps it around Felix. “It's okay. Can I see your wrist?”

Felix shakes his head. The blanket doesn't give him any relief from the cold.

“Let me see. You probably sprained it.” Locus gently tries to take his wrist. Felix lets him. Fighting hurts. Felix winces when Locus touches his wrist in certain areas. He knows he didn't punch correctly. “Will you let me put a brace on it?”

Felix shakes his head. Let it hurt and be miserable. He deserves it. Doesn't deserve this kindness though.

“Come on. Let's get you a brace and some heat so you can speak.” 

Felix shakes his head, but Locus takes him anyway. Making him go to the living room. Mason stops putting things away when he sees Locus making Felix sit on the couch.

“What's wrong?” Mason asks.

“I don't know,” Locus responds. “He sprained his wrist and is deathly cold.”

“Fuck,” Mason goes to get more blankets. 

“Stay.” Locus tells Felix as he goes to fetch the brace. 

Felix lays on his side, curling up into a ball. Still holding onto his wrist. Locus comes back with the brace and Felix just stares at him. He's stopped crying. So that's a plus. Ran out of tears. 

“Let me.”

Felix shakes his head. Locus sits on the floor in front of the couch. Mason comes in with all the blankets they have. He lays them one by one on Felix. Every so slowly, he warms up a little. Just enough that his teeth won't chatter, but he's still cold. 

“Will you let me put this on you now?” Locus asks. Mason sits next to Locus. Felix shakes his head.

“Isaac, let him.”

Felix just shakes his head and pulls himself in close. 

“Felix.” Locus almost sounds like he's threatening him. Which is what makes Felix surrender his arm, letting Locus put the brace on it, wincing. 

“Do you wanna tell us what's wrong?”

No. Why would he? He doesn't even know what's wrong. Just the fact that he had a panic attack. Was that a panic attack? Was he just faking everything? Cause this has never happened before. Well, it did once. The very first night he was back from war. He panicked the entire night. Didn't sleep for over 24 hours. He hates himself. Such a terrible human being. 

Locus shows his empty hand to Felix before gently moving the hair out of his face. The gentle touch is nice to Felix. It's different and calming. Why is it calming? Nothing is ever calming. He doesn't deserve this. Locus starts to pull his hand away.

“Don't stop…” Felix whispers ever so quietly. Locus listens, gently running his fingers through Felix's hair.

Felix closes his eyes and sniffles. He's tired more than anything. This whole episode or whatever took his energy. Death would be nice, but he knows they won't let him. Doesn't understand why. He's a terrible excuse for a human being. Not like they actually like him. They're just here out of pity. Always are.

“Isaac, would you like to take a bath to warm up better?” Mason asks.

_ Yes.  _ “No.”  _ But not with either of you. _

“Isaac.” 

That makes him open his eyes. A hot bath sounds nice. But he really doesn't want one of them there. Just push them away. Make it easier in the end. 

“Felix, we care about you. We love you.” Locus tells him.

“No you don't,” Felix makes Locus remove his hand. Felix looks slightly angry and disgusted. “You're both just here out of pity. Go away.”

“Is that what you really think?” Mason frowns.

“Yes.” Felix hides his face under the blankets. Just ignore them and they'll go away because they really don't care. 

Moments later, Locus picks Felix up and takes him to the bedroom, laying him on the bed. Mason went to finish putting away groceries, then comes into the bedroom. Felix peaks out from under the blankets to see them drawing a bath. The moment he sees Locus walking towards him, he completely hides again.

“Felix, who do you want in the bath with you. The other will sit on the floor and we’ll not be leaving you.”

Felix wants call out their bullshit, but what's the point in trying when they're being way too persistent. He sighs to himself and sits up. He uncovers his face and points to Locus.

“Me in the bath?”

Felix nods. 

“Alright. Come on.” Locus starts to push the blankets back. 

Felix does it on his own. “I'm not a child. I can do it myself.”

“I know,” Locus backs up a little.

Felix gets off the bed and makes his way to the bathroom himself. God this cold is getting annoying. He undresses himself slowly enough that the bath is finished filling up. 

He sits himself down on the deeper end of the tub. The heat isn't hot enough. Needs more heat. Yeah, he'll come out a lobster, but still needs more heat. Locus sits across from him, making him bring his knees to his chest, closing himself off from the world. Mason sits on the floor next to the tub.

“Do you wanna tell us what's wrong now?” Mason asks.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Felix hides his face in his legs. 

They sit there for a long time, letting Felix work things out in his head. When he does, he tells them how he feels. He feels cold, depressed, terrible, shitty, all these things at once. How he’s not sure what caused this. That he just wants to die because he knows he’s not the greatest of people. They both help calm him down. 

Felix calms down enough to not be nearly as cold. He gets out of the tub and dries himself off. He only puts on pajama bottoms before climbing into bed. Mason had ordered pizza because all three of them need to eat something for dinner. Even though Felix just wants to lay in bed with the two. They do that, but eat as well. Felix falls asleep shortly after finishing eating. Tomorrow he’ll be back to his old self, but only because he forced himself to be okay.


End file.
